Letting Go of the Fear of Life and Living Fully

In my YouTube conversation with Dr. Bruce Greyson (Link: https://youtu.be/7ZQzTFGBMi8 ) who has done over 50 years of research on people who have had near death experiences, he shared something unexpected that shifted my perspective. 

I asked him about the attitude of people coming back from NDEs.  One would think that after experiencing all this beauty and love (in the average experience – though some are more challenging) wouldn’t the individual want to return to this inner world of profound love, wonder and awe they had come to know instead of remaining in this physical world?  This physical body.

As a psychiatrist he admitted that he too was concerned about the same thing but discovered the opposite to be true.  He found that individuals returning from an NDE, even those who had attempted to take their own lives, had not only lost their fear of death but even more interesting was the fact they had lost their fear of living fully!  Their fear of life had been transformed.

During the NDE they had the opportunity to see their challenges from a vastly different perspective and were grateful (instead of burdened) for the very gift of life itself and felt it was a privilege to be here no matter what the circumstances.  That included a newfound respect for the hard bits!!  A greater appreciation of the design of all of life’s seasons had emerged and the experiences they invite us into.

Perhaps we should change the focus from overcoming the fear of death to overcoming - embracing to soften - the fear of life and living fully!  In all its expressions, nuances and lessons.  Open more intimately to engage in life itself, be present, embodied in the moment to all it invites us to discover.

Letting go of the fear of death is a noble goal.  A good concept yet not always easy to do.  The fear of death is an instinctual element of who we are.  Dr. Robert Twycross, one of the founding palliative pioneers, spoke in our YouTube conversation (Link: https://youtu.be/FXicGeUdSfQ ) of how he initially would encourage people to overcome their fear of death but later realized for many it was more about overcoming their fear of people who are dying.  The instinct to run away and not be around them or even witness the process is strong.  It stirs reflections of our own mortality. A wise observation.  How can we return to honouring it as a natural part of life? He also spoke of it being normal to have a fear of death, it is designed to protect us, otherwise we would just walk in front of a bus without thinking about it.  It is a healthy, organic and necessary part of our survival instinct though clearly when out of balance can cause all kinds of challenging responses that can cripple our engagement with life.

Like Dr. Twycross I think it is more the witnessing of the labour of death, the dying process, and the unknown that people are afraid of rather than the moment of death itself. To put it in a different context if all that we highlighted to women who were considering having their first baby was the discomfort of pregnancy and endless images of the moments of intense labour pain prior to the birthing of the baby, they too might hesitate to venture into the experience of Motherhood!!  Yet there is a broad arc to both journeys that involve moments of discomfort, challenge and bodily transformation along with moments of beauty, joy, connection, profound love and undeniable mystery.

The parallels during the creation and birthing of a new life, when that first breath is taken, all the way through to the final breath when physical life ends, is quite fascinating.  Generally, when I have been present to those nearing the time of an expected death that has been supported by a good palliative care and hospice team, it has had a calm about it that is transformative to be around and quite natural for those in the process of letting go.  As death nears, the rhythm of the breathing organically changes. It slows and in the final moments a peace then comes over the dying person's very being before the essence of the individual leaves the physical shell behind.  Some might say it is a birthing of a different kind.

Having been around so many people who have died over the years I have a different perspective regarding the whole process of dying and death which provides a gentle freedom to my being and heart.

However, the greater question I have asked myself lately and invite you to do the same is where has your fear of life and living fully held you back and how can you let that go? 

If you were to truly let go of the fear of life what things would you accomplish that you have been putting off and how would you open to experience life in ways you may have hesitated to consider before?  How can the inherent gift of creativity that we all possess be engaged more completely to explore new points of view and possibilities?

A slightly different question but an interesting one to ponder.  This invitation would of course include facing all the seasons of life in new ways, respecting the wisdom they call forth in such intricate design! 

Photo by Fabio Comparelli from Unsplash