The Essence of Love
It had been weeks on a roller coaster of pain and exhaustion for Gordon (my husband). His spine was beginning to crumble from the various cancers and pain management was a challenge. The palliative doctor was visiting our home sometimes two and three times a week to adjust the medications. I was still working full time in hospice to pay the bills but up in the night with him, attending to his discomfort and care needs. Both of us were exhausted. Friends were an invaluable support.
One day there was an experience that took place I will never forget.
It was early morning. That time of day when the light is just starting to peek through the dawn and waking from sleep can bring greater wisdom and insight from a much broader realm of awareness.
Gord awoke and carefully sat up on the edge of the bed. With all my protective instincts on alert I also woke concerned about his pain. I got out of bed and walked around to him. Standing before him, I asked if he was alright, wondering if I needed to get him some added medication for the discomfort.
He was looking down at the floor and initially paused in silence at my inquiry. He then shook his head back and forth, still looking down in deep reflection and said; "It is not about power and struggle at all, it is not about power and struggle".
Trying to engage in dialogue with him I said; "It is about love?"
Instantly I could feel my words imposing on a much greater experience, beyond a literal concept that he was immersed in. My mind was trying to "define" this transcendent moment with words for him - it was such an imposition and almost foreign to the truth he was experiencing.
He was silent and looked down for the longest time. I knew he was trying with every ounce of his being to find the words to respond but the insight was far beyond our parameter of the literal.
After a time, he quietly said; "It is about the essence of love, the essence of love. We make it so difficult but it is so simple."
I was moved deeply by his reflection and knew that any other attempt at conversation or to define this moment would in a way be a violation of the profound spiritual realization he was engaged in. His experience was far, far beyond a reality we are able to define.
He was catching the truth of love in a much greater way, it was no longer a mere mental concept. I was being invited into it simply in the silence of the moment.
I moved closer to him - no words - and just held him. We held each other for the longest time in a deep embrace. Rich beyond words.
I will never forget that moment.
His realization about love deepened as he went through the many transitions in the coming weeks. Transformed in ways I cannot begin to describe. Beautiful actually.